Why is Almond Butter So Delicious?

And related article ideas on almond butter

2 min readJul 23, 2021

Dear __,

I don’t know how to write a letter pitching an article, so I’ll get straight to the point. Here’s some ideas:

  1. Almond butter is delicious.
  2. Why is almond butter so delicious?
  3. A story about eating too much almond butter.
  4. For the philosophically oriented: An investigation regarding what is “too much.”
  5. For the mindful: A meditation for the times you eat too much.
  6. For the resistant: A meditation for the times you feel like saying f*&# you to everything mindful.
  7. For the practical: And by ‘meditation,’ what I mean is: eat a spoonful of almond butter.
  8. Just a spoon full of almond butter makes deliciousness go down…
  9. (…and also regret…and that’s okay)
  10. You can eat almond butter with a fork too. But if you want to sing about it, you can say you’re using a spoon.
  11. Protip #1: If you sprinkle some salt on it, it’s even better.
  12. Protip #2: You don’t really need any tips for this one.
  13. Protip #3: I just want to point out that I am an almond butter pro.
  14. Protip #4: And you could be a pro too. It’s a pretty low bar for entry.
  15. In America, they have different kinds of almond butter. There’s smooth and crunchy and the classic Trader Joe’s.
  16. In Israel, the almond butter is always smooth and it is a light pale color.
  17. When writing #15, I first wrote “Trader Jo’s,” which I think is a sign of a) the unconscious trying to turn it feminine, b) general spelling apathy, c) I haven’t gone to a Trader Jo/e’s for a long time.
  18. I just googled ‘almond butter’ and then closed all the tabs.
  19. I’m looking to the internet for reassurance on almond butter consumption.
  20. The internet isn’t a great place to look toward for reassurance.
  21. I wonder if almond butter can give you cancer. I bet I could find that somewhere on the internet.
  22. The internet stresses me out.
  23. When I’m stressed out, I eat almond butter.
  24. I think I might have had too much.
  25. Do we at least agree that it’s delicious?