Why is Almond Butter So Delicious?
I don’t know how to write a letter pitching an article, so I’ll get straight to the point. Here’s some ideas:
- Almond butter is delicious.
- Why is almond butter so delicious?
- A story about eating too much almond butter.
- For the philosophically oriented: An investigation regarding what is “too much.”
- For the mindful: A meditation for the times you eat too much.
- For the resistant: A meditation for the times you feel like saying f*&# you to everything mindful.
- For the practical: And by ‘meditation,’ what I mean is: eat a spoonful of almond butter.
- Just a spoon full of almond butter makes deliciousness go down…
- (…and also regret…and that’s okay)
- You can eat almond butter with a fork too. But if you want to sing about it, you can say you’re using a spoon.
- Protip #1: If you sprinkle some salt on it, it’s even better.
- Protip #2: You don’t really need any tips for this one.
- Protip #3: I just want to point out that I am an almond butter pro.
- Protip #4: And you could be a pro too. It’s a pretty low bar for entry.
- In America, they have different kinds of almond butter. There’s smooth and crunchy and the classic Trader Joe’s.
- In Israel, the almond butter is always smooth and it is a light pale color.
- When writing #15, I first wrote “Trader Jo’s,” which I think is a sign of a) the unconscious trying to turn it feminine, b) general spelling apathy, c) I haven’t gone to a Trader Jo/e’s for a long time.
- I just googled ‘almond butter’ and then closed all the tabs.
- I’m looking to the internet for reassurance on almond butter consumption.
- The internet isn’t a great place to look toward for reassurance.
- I wonder if almond butter can give you cancer. I bet I could find that somewhere on the internet.
- The internet stresses me out.
- When I’m stressed out, I eat almond butter.
- I think I might have had too much.
- Do we at least agree that it’s delicious?